Why We Must Heal Ourselves First Before We Can Be There for Others

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How can we heal other people and make them feel better when we ourselves are broken?

We all want to live in a better world. We see the chaos and uncertainty around us and we want to makes sense of it all. We think that the events and people around us are potential puzzles to be solved.

We see a loved one who is suffering, and we want to help them out. We want to solve other people’s problem–or at least they’d be this or that. We yearn to bring change and transformation in some parts in our lives, to make things somehow better in our part of the world. Just so we can have a sense of belonging and accomplishment. Or perhaps, we really just deeply care.

While it’s true there are many horrible things that happen around the world every day, this reality has never been more realized than these past months. After all, we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic. The end, still, is nowhere in sight.

But how can we bring about transformation and healing when we ourselves have our own wounds, scars, and baggage?

It starts within.

You must remember that to be a healer, a mentor, a teacher, you must have a deep relationship with yourself and what you need to heal from. Not that you have to be perfect or to have everything figured out already.

This only means that you have a good relationship with yourself. And often, this comes with forgiveness.

Once we heal that part of ourselves with the soothing salve of self-forgiveness, you are also able to heal your part of the world.

It may start from the way you talk to yourself. We call this self-talk. How do you talk to yourself? Do you let self-doubt and insecurity creep in? Do you minimize your wins and feel like you don’t deserve all that you have right now? Are you feeling guilty for doing something you want or giving in to what you need?

Forgiveness is a process. To heal ourselves is, too.

It doesn’t come instantly. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something that you have to commit to, and take steps to accomplish. Sometimes, the process can be slow. For others, it is painful. There will be times when you may falter, or even fall back. It can be an uphill climb, too.

The important thing is, if you want to heal, you just keep moving and trust your own unique process of forgiveness. Whether it is forgiveness towards others, or towards yourself.

Once you start this process, however, you can be sure that healing can come too.

Take responsibility to your own healing.

You can only take responsibility for your actions. For what you can control and for how you react.

This said, if you try to help others and things don’t go as you planned, no matter how best your intentions are, you can only look within yourself. You have no control of other people, but you can take responsibility for yourself. And if you yourself are broken, or carrying a heavy baggage, it is going to be harder to be there for others.

Once you set yourself free from what hurts and imprisons you, that’s when you heal yourself and open up your heart and you free yourself to be there for others.

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