A Guide for Children with Addicted Parents

Living with addicted parents can be overwhelming for a child. Growing up in such a household can be chaos and uncertainty day in and day out. The people that they look up to can let them down, the people supposed to care for them may end up hurting them. Are you a child of addicted parents? Here’s what you can do.

A lot of what you are today, you owe to your parents. Good or bad, the person you are today has been, in one way or another, affected by your parents, as well as the people who raised you. Your values, disposition, beliefs, attitudes, characteristics, and opinions are shaped by how you were reared by your parents–even if these parents are addicted to substances such as drugs or alcohol.

With the huge number of people addicted to drugs such as shabu or meth today, families are indeed deeply affected. Children are also not exempt to this. In fact, according to many studies, children who grew up with addicted [parents or from households with addiction are twice more likely to develop addiction themselves compared to those who grew up without addiction in their families.

The Parenting Dynamics in a Household with Addiction

If you’re a child of someone who’s been struggling with addiction, you may agree that the role between parent and child is not the normal one. Instead of the parent taking care of the child, this may be reversed as you, the child, have taken on the responsibilities in the family that your addicted parent can’t meet.

As a child, you may have cleaned up the mess your parents have made when they were drinking or fighting or unable to be around for the kids. You may even comfort your other siblings in difficult times when you’re supposed to have your parents with you. As you grow up, you may find yourself getting a part-time job to support yourself and to provide for the family.

Seek Help Outside Your Home

It may be hard for you to find help from relatives or even outside the home. After all, you may even think that you’re the one to blame for your parent’s addiction. You may also feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, resentment, loneliness and isolation. There’s also that fear of betraying your parents for telling about them on others.

Here are some things that you can do as a child of addicted parents:

1. Talk to a trusted adult. Is there an older, responsible person you can trust? Someone you can confide in, who understands you and who can give sound advice? There may be people in your school, your family, or your community who you can talk to and are willing to help.
2. Have a journal. It helps to write what you feel. Whether it’s a blog or a journal in a notebook and paper, it’s a good outlet to let off steam and get some perspective.
3. Channel your frustrations into something positive. Instead of allowing your situation to get the best of you, why not do something positive that gets your mind off your problems? Instead of resorting to substances and behavior that are destructive, which can continue the cycle your parents have started, get involved in things that you like. It could be art, music, baking, cooking, sports, or anything you can feel good and happy doing.
4. Have a safe place. Do you have a good friend or relative whom you can go to if in case things get overwhelming in your own house? Instead of going to bars, drinking with friends or doing things that can make your problems worse, go somewhere you can feel safe and even relieved. If you want, you can go to a library or even a church.
5. Keep safety in mind. Things can take a turn for the worse when you’re living with addicted parents. There may be violence and aggression, or just accidents. It’s a good idea to be the responsible member of the family and keep emergency contacts nearby, such as police, emergency services, and even trusted relatives and neighbors who can help you out in case of all kinds of emergencies.
6. Take care of yourself. It’s easy to get lost in the chaos that a dysfunctional household can bring. Don’t. Remember that their addiction can’t be pinned down on you. It’s not your fault. You can’t control them–you can only control yourself.
7. Seek help for them. There are many government-owned and private rehabilitation centers that can provide adequate care and treatment for your parents.You can contact these for help as well as to know your options so that your parents can get the help they need before it’s too late for them and for you.

Get help for your addicted parents. Talk to us at Bridges of Hope to know what your treatment options are. Call 09175098826.