People with addictions will do anything to protect their addiction, sometimes at the expense of others. That’s why they will manipulate others and lie, betray, and hurt even those who care about them the most.
Being with a person with an addiction can be fraught with distressing and even contradicting emotions. It can be very dysfunctional. You may find their behaviors utterly disconnected from their words and promises. Their behaviors themselves can be confusing as well.

As a codependent of a person with an addiction, you have to understand from the get-go that addicts can lie and manipulate others. This could be a big reason why you’re feeling what you’re feeling.
Why are People with Addictions Manipulative?
It’s important to remember that when a person is addicted to a substance or behavior, this causes a change not just in their behavior but in their brains. Addiction, whether caused by chemicals or any behavior, can hijack the brain. With this, they may act in ways that are unexpected from what you know of the person. They may act irrationally or out of character. It’s because it’s the addiction that’s now in control.
Normally, the brain would reward healthy behaviors such as eating a good meal, bonding with your loved one, or watching something breathtakingly beautiful. However, once drugs and alcohol gets into the mix, it creates in the brain a powerful, yet artificial, sense of gratification that eventually outweighs all other activities. And this is why an addicted person would want more and more of the substance or behavior that gives them that kind of high. That’s how addiction develops, and the compulsion becomes so strong despite all the negative and even dangerous consequences.
So, where does manipulation comes in?
Why People with Addictions Manipulate Others
When the addiction takes over the person, critical things in their lives, like relationships and responsibilities, become insignificant compared to their need to feed their addiction. And this is when the shift in priorities can be seen. And with this comes the lies, betrayal, and manipulation. They would, after all, do what they can to sustain their addiction.
They would want to control whatever they can in their lives, because in reality, they have no control over themselves and their urges. Addiction has already taken hold. They can easily get desperate for their addiction, doing everything they can to feed their cravings. Apart from this, they know that they are hurting the people who love and care for them. They feel guilt, shame, and remorse, and yet they can’t do anything about it, but continue to lie.
Furthermore, they are blinded by their addiction, and often will have their judgment clouded by the very substances they were taking. This is why they may argue and raise objections that are frustrating because they don’t make sense to you.
6 Common Manipulation Tactics of People with Addiction
- Asking for Money. Regardless whether it’s a substance or behavior, addiction is expensive. Eventually, it will cost you your life. Asking for money and for favors is one of the hallmarks of manipulation. They may ask for help in the form of financial aid and will say they need to pay this or that and that it will not go to their addiction. The thing about an addict, however, is that whatever route your kind of help takes, it all goes towards the addiction.
- Suddenly Causing Fights. This is a manipulation tactic that distracts you from the more pressing discussion about their addiction. This allows them to shift the focus from their addiction to something else, like your own shortcomings. They may even be aggressive and physically violent.
- Isolating and Self-Harm. When they don’t get what they want, they will try to punish you by hurting themselves. This is because they know how much you care and you would do everything to protect them. They would resort to getting themselves into dangerous situations.
- Guilt-Tripping. Someone with addiction would blame everything and everyone else beside themselves. You may already face such blame tactics. They will tell you it’s your fault that they are doing what they’re doing. They will make you feel bad for setting boundaries and even feel like walking on eggshells around them all the time.
- Being Too Nice. This is part of the cycle of addiction. There’s the aggression when they don’t get what they want. And then afterwards, to avoid you from getting mad at them, they will be overly nice and attentive and caring. You will then think that things are getting better as they tell you the things you want to hear.
- Gaslighting. This is when your own observations, feelings, memories, or arguments are being used against you, or are being so downplayed that you start to doubt your own reality. This is a kind of psychological abuse that addicts may do to leave you confused and vulnerable, unable to trust your own thoughts or even your own sanity.
How to Get Them Help
Being lied to, betrayed, and manipulated can be very hurtful. It’s not right that they also manipulate other people. However, it’s important to understand that the addict is also lying to themselves. They may even think that there’s nothing wrong with them.
While you may not be able to single-handedly get sense into them so they know how wrong their decisions are, you can do something to set them on the right path. You can get them help.
Here’s how you can help them and yourself too.
- Learn about addiction and what changes an addict undergoes so that you have a better understanding. This will also help you avoid falling into dangerous misconceptions.
- Face it. It may also be hard for you to accept that someone dear to you could be addicted. You may think it’s your fault, or that you could’ve done something. The thing is, there’s nothing you could’ve said or done that could stop them or keep them from being addicted, or even save them from their addiction. What you can do is to learn and to also care about yourself. Seek support for yourself.
- Learn the patterns. By learning more about the addiction, you will see that there are patterns, regardless of the type of addiction. If your loved one says they can quit on their own or the rules don’t apply to them, know better. This is also a common pattern of denial and exceptionalism. Instead, remain calm and steadfast. Show support and care, but avoid enabling.
- Give them options. Talk about treatment options at the right time, when they are ready and feel safe to talk about their issues. Avoid blame and confrontational or preachy language. You can let them talk about themselves, like if they have already considered treatment. Then, bring to the table what you already know or what you’ve found out.
Healing starts when the person admits that there’s a problem and they can’t do it alone. Talk to us at Bridges of Hope: 09175098826.
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