Finding out for the first time that someone dear to you, like a spouse, parent or child, has an addiction problem can be heartbreaking. The journey is but just begun. There’s the turmoil of what could happen next: acceptance, rehab, accidents, incarceration, violence, separation, relapse, and so many more.
This journey can take years, and will still be hard. However, once you begin to accept certain truths about what you’ve been through will you be able to heal. The lessons below are lessons learned the hard way–but they are necessary for you to heal and better help your addicted loved one.
6 Truths About Your Addicted Loved One
1. Parents will do anything to relieve the addict’s pain. Parents can be big enablers, and this is not uncommon. In fact, it’s understandable to an extent. Parents tried their best to raise their children the best way they know how. They will take away the addiction if they can, smooth out the road to recovery if they can. However, if as a parent you will be willing to take the fall for your child, you will only hurt yourself as your child goes on about his day trying to get his next fix. Parents can only do so much, that’s why there are other people such as therapists, professionals, peers, pastors, and counselors to help the addict. The same can be said for spouses, partners, and children of addicted people.
2. You can’t cure him. No amount of loving can cure or fix the addiction. This is because nothing else matters to the addict, not even your love. But this is not because they don’t love you–they do–but any help you can give will never be effective unless they decide to accept this help.
3. Addicts are liars. They will do and say anything to protect not themselves, but their addiction. Often, they will say what you want to hear just so you’ll get off their backs. So don’t rely on their words alone.
4. Crime may just be around the corner. The word criminal may seem too harsh, but it rings true. Remember, one of the many symptoms of addiction is illegal behavior. If you think your loved one isn’t a criminal like the ones you see on television, think about this: sooner or later, they will do something wrong and the law will be after them one way or another.
5. Some people don’t want to be around addicts. And this is also understandable. Along with the stereotypes that are unfortunately still going, other people like those who are also close to your loved one, will have their own feelings and pain. While some may still show understanding, love, tolerance or support, there will be others who don’t want any trouble. That’s just the way people are.
6. Life will never be the same. You may have fond memories of your addicted loved one before drugs or alcohol ravaged their body, mind, and soul. Now, they seem like a stranger to you and you mourn the past and what you lost. However, life doesn’t end there. There will be things that you may never get back, but the important thing is to move forward.
Whether the addict is your spouse, parent, child, or partner, don’t hate the person, hate the addiction. Learn to separate the two.
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