What can a parent do with a child who is abusing drugs or on the road to addiction? Here we tackle what you can do to be empowered and to help your child who is struggling with adolescent addiction.
As a parent who lives with a child with addiction, what can you do?
Well, there’s no easy answer to this, as every kid is different and every family is different. Still, there are things that you can do to get you started.
What can a parent do with an addicted adolescent?
1. Love him. Though it may seem to you that an ill-mannered, straight-out-of-every-parents-nightmare kind of stranger has taken the place of your child, it is still your child. He is in there somewhere, struggling and battling his own demons. Set aside your disappointment, anger, worry, and fears. With constructive words, let him know why you are feeling what you are feeling towards him. Let him know that you care deeply still, without judgment. Catch him being good and give him praise. Keep that bond of love alive. Otherwise, you will not have any influence over him.
2. Play up his strengths. With everything bad that seems to happen, it’s hard to see the good. However, the secret to a healthier outlook, as always, is positivity. The same goes with dealing with your child. Find his strengths and the things that are going well in your relationship. Use this to build better communication, build his self-esteem, and gain his trust. Looking at the positive sides and the good things that he still does (like attend family gatherings, accompany you to the groceries, make jokes, ask you about your day) are still rays of light that tell you he is not completely disengaged from you and your family.
3. Communicate. Don’t just scold, yell, preach, threaten, or even beg. Just talk–and listen. Let him express himself, and assure him that you’re there for him to listen and understand without judgment. Clarify things with him to make sure you don’t misinterpret him. If he raises his issues with you, don’t be defensive and just try to hold your peace. Let him talk and then when it’s time for you to talk, choose your words carefully. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you, because this talk may just be all you need to know how you can help him.
4. Reassure him. It’s important that you let your child know that despite the wrong things he may have done, you’re still there for him, and that you can see through to the talented, smart, and lovable kid that you know he is. Be genuine about telling him his strengths, and that he doesn’t need to meet other people’s standards or to feel the pressure to fit in anywhere. Ask him if there’s anything you can do to help him, and be sure to follow through with this as well.
5. Get him involved. Get him interested in something that would take his mind off drugs and his friends. He needs a way to feel good about himself. The best way to go about this is to have someone else entice him into trying out a sport or hobby. This gives him a chance to spend his time in a positive way.
6. Get the school involved. The school’s guidance counselor may already have seen a lot of kids like your child, and they also know how to best talk and deal with them. There may even be substance abuse programs that the school implements, so it is best to have the school help you with your child.
7. Get your extended family in on it too. The problem with your child is not yours to bear alone. After all, even if he’s all grown, it still takes a village to raise a child. So if you have family members who you trust and you know are there for you without judging you or your child, or can be good role models to your child, then have them help you. Maybe they can encourage your child to go on weekend outings, get into hobbies, or just help get his mind off drug use.
8. Seek out other parents. It can also help when you and the other parents of the kids your child is hanging out with band together. These parents may also be concerned about their own child. Talk about your concerns and maybe even agree on curfews and accountabilities. This is also a great way for you to find a support system.
9. Seek professional help. Often, there may be underlying mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression that causes them to seek comfort through substance use. It helps to go to a professional such as a psychiatrist to give him a comprehensive evaluation. This may also give your child the wake-up call he needs that something serious or legitimate is really going on.
10. Be a parent. Set rules, but be rational about it. You don’t have to be afraid of your own child. Let him know that there are boundaries and that there are repercussions to his actions. However, still remember to praise him if he does things right. Make him understand that you are doing what you’re doing so that he will grow up sound and strong physically, emotionally, and mentally. Tell him that you don’t want him to go to jail, overdose, get sick, get into accidents, or die. Also, be prepared to make compromises when it comes to other things, like his choice of clothes, hair styles, or the music he listens to. Work together and get him involved when it comes to house rules too.
11. Set healthy boundaries. Again, set boundaries. Let him know that there are things that he can not get away with. Be consistent with these, and make him accountable for his actions and decisions. Kids tend to test their limits, and once they know that there are rules that need to be followed, then you are on the right track.
Understand that you are in a battle–a battle for your child’s safety, future, life. This is because you love him. If only you can make it all go away, but you can’t. Your child has his own life to live, and what you can do is to get support yourself, be informed, and stay connected with your child. While you don’t need to “save” him as this may do more harm than good, you can seek professional help for your child too. Sometimes, this is the best and only way to help him.
This is the second and last part of a two-part series on Adolescent Addiction.
If your son or daughter is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, seek help now. Call or text our rehab specialists at our helpline: 09175098826 for a free assessment and for guidance.
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