If toxic people were a substance, they should come with a warning.
However, even if toxic people were not a substance, it seems that many people become addicted without them even knowing.
You may have come across toxic people in various settings. They are in your workplace, among your friends, in the line to the supermarket counter–even someone dear to you may be a toxic person.
This said, it’s important to note that dealing with other people naturally has challenges. We are all different and we deal with situations differently. Furthermore, families and relationships can be riddled by tough times too. There will be misunderstandings and arguments from time to time.
Things will be said, decisions done, and at some point these will be forgiven. What you should know, however, is that real, healthy relationships aren’t meant to hurt and wreak destruction.
So is love enough for you to change toxic people?
The simple, blunt answer is no.
Of course, this is simpler said than done. You may often find yourself feeling guilty when you think about leaving the person. On the other hand, you may feel down and you may even feel unloved. You may think that if the person loves you, they shouldn’t hurt you and that they should change.
With these thoughts come more feelings: hurt, betrayal, helplessness, insecurity, fear, resentment, and loneliness.
Where does unconditional love come into play?
There is nothing wrong with loving someone, no matter who or what they are. However, you also must not forget that you should love yourself enough too. And those who are in toxic relationships with toxic people, in what is considered a codependent relationship, often forget this important fact.
You can love a person unconditionally. You can give them your heart and big pieces of who you are. However, you should leave some for yourself. Because if there is one true unconditional love, it should be the love that you give to yourself.
Now, if the toxic people you are in a relationship with doesn’t respect your individuality and your boundaries, then you have to make a decision. Being around toxic people day in and day out can eventually take a toll on your physical and mental health. It hurts your emotional health too.
Toxic people, after all, can become very controlling. They may also be abusive, manipulative, and deceptive.
So is it truly fair to shower love on someone who is hurting and destroying you? How much of that unconditional love will you be able to give before you find yourself losing yourself?
Remember, toxic people should not have to have a place in your world. You can set boundaries. Make a contract with yourself on what you can accept and what you will not tolerate. Honor your own values and always reconsider relationships with people who make you doubt your beliefs and values.
Sometimes, the person you want to be with the most is the one you’re really better off without. So, pay attention to the red flags and don’t hesitate to make a decision that eventually chooses YOU.