You and everyone around you may be asking the same thing:
Why can’t you just stay sober???
There are people who can just stop anytime, why can’t you?
As someone who is dependent on drugs or alcohol, you may have tried to not use or drink for a week or two, but then end up drinking or using anyway after just a couple of days. Over time, many attempts to be sober, even for a while, or even to altogether quit have been futile.
There may also be times when you were able to be sober for a seriously long time, like after treatment and being in recovery, and yet you still return to your poison eventually.
What causes people to not be able to be sober even for just a while? And, for those who are already in recovery, what causes them to relapse? Here we explore the reasons why this is so.
Why You Can’t Stay Sober
1. You’re afraid to miss out. You think that every party, night out, get-together you missed, you are missing out on precious moments in your life, like you are not going to experience those things ever again. This fear of missing out (now known as FOMO), is leading you to go back to your old ways, go out with your old friends, and ultimately turn back to your using or drinking.
2. “Why me?” You become paralyzed with your self-pity. You think, “Why do I have to go through this?” “Why do I have to be an alcoholic?” “Why can’t I just stop?” “Why do I have to be so hooked on drugs?” Such thoughts can weigh you down and therefore you give up trying to escape the trap. You go back to drinking or using again.
3. You haven’t reached your peak yet. During your active addiction, you have inflicted pain and suffering on yourself and the people close to you, but you’re too hooked to even notice. You only realize this until you become sober and get into recovery and then reflect on your life. When you haven’t reached the peak of pain, then you have no motivation to turn things around and seek recovery.
4. You think you’re different. You still think you can control yourself, not unlike the others. So you go on with your lifestyle, thinking you can always return to a “normal” life whenever you want to. You think you are capable of policing yourself, but each time you fail, and each time you think the next time will be different because you’re different.
5. You’re scared. In the first place, you turn to drugs or alcohol to escape and not deal with what’s really happening in your life. So you think, “What am I gonna do now?” This is because you think that you are going to live life without your drug or alcohol and you get scared and overwhelmed instead of just taking each sober day at a time.
6. You are physically bound. Physical dependence to drugs and alcohol is serious. This is because your body can’t go without drugs or alcohol for a certain time frame otherwise, it will exhibit physical withdrawal symptoms that are even fatal.
7. You feel stuck. You think that drinking or using is all that you can do. Whether you’re happy, sad, celebrating, or mourning, you turn to drugs or alcohol because that’s the only way you know how to cope. You are stagnating and you don’t know how else to live. You don’t know that in recovery, you will learn new ways to cope and that there’s more to life than your addiction.
8. Expectations about sobriety. You have unrealistic expectations about sobriety. You think that it’s the cure-all for your problems and issues, and when you’re sober and it doesn’t do the trick, your world crumbles and you go back to drinking and using. You relapse.
9. You’re not ready to commit. It takes your full resolution and commitment to be sober. It’s an every day choice and a lifelong process. If you can’t stay sober, this may mean that you’re not ready for the challenges that comes with sobriety and recovery.
10. You feel like you don’t deserve it. For years of addiction, you may have experienced your life being torn apart as you have shown and lived your worst. For all your mistakes and experiences, you feel unworthy of the good life. You feel unworthy of help, love, hope, and recovery.
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