Relationships, especially marriage is complicated enough without the troubles and intricacies of addiction. Here are 10 things you should know about your addicted spouse so you can deal with this difficult situation and help your spouse turn towards sobriety.
When you have an addicted spouse, you can feel like you’ve been dealt with one of the biggest blows you may ever have. Drug and alcohol addiction, even behavioral addiction such as pornography and gambling, can throw you off-guard and lead you to situations you may never have imagined.
Married with an Addicted Spouse
Here’s 10 things you should know when you have an addicted spouse:
1. Addiction is destructive. However, if you are married to someone who have succumbed to addiction, then you know very well that it doesn’t just destroy the addict, it destroys his family as well.
2. Addiction in a marriage may not be apparent early on in the relationship. Your addicted spouse may be leading a double life and you may have no idea what goes on behind your back, in which he may be a completely different person–and you’ll find this out too late, when addiction-related troubles come left and right.
3. Things may start “normal” early in your relationship or marriage. Your addicted spouse may be drinking every night, getting very drunk at parties, and you may believe this is just “normal” behavior–until things get out of hand and you get hurt. Or, they may just be taking pills or using meth or marijuana socially and at first you may believe there’s no harm there. However, this can easily spiral into addiction and you have no inkling when they crossed the line.
4. Addiction may develop anytime during the marriage. You don’t really have to blame yourself, your spouse, or your marriage for the addiction. The addiction can develop shorty after marriage or even slowly over time. In fact, it may have been there all along and you just had no clue.
5. It can be difficult to remember who you fell in love with. This can be painful. It may take years to really know for sure what’s going on, and many small symptoms or problems may come along the way, making you wonder who you really fell in love with.
6. Avoid denial. While admitting to yourself that the person that you love is addicted, there’s no help to it except to avoid denying the truth to yourself. This is the only way that you can start getting help for your spouse and for yourself.
7. Recognizing the signs is key. It is best to read up on addiction signs and symptoms of addiction to find out what your spouse is addicted to. This is also important so you can get them the right kind of help they need.
8. Boundaries are important. Having an addicted loved one in the family can create chaos in the household dynamics. It can be an emotional roller coaster as well. However, you should learn to set boundaries and take care of yourself too. A marriage is also a legal contract and with this comes many responsibilities. Also keep in mind to keep yourself and your children safe.
9. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Reach out to family and close friends about your problems and your spouse’s addiction. If necessary, you can also reach out to support groups and even rehab professionals.
10. Recovery is important. Whether or not you decide to stick to your spouse, you have to consider getting them help. Or talk to them so that they can realize their problem and seek help for themselves.
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