Once you enter recovery, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be smooth-sailing. There will still be hurdles along the way, and the biggest hurdle must be rebuilding relationships.
Escaping addiction is a great achievement, and recovery embodies a promise of a better life for yourself and for your family. However, it doesn’t mean that things will get better right away, or that your family can easily move on from the chaos that happened while you were addicted. It can take a very long time to put things right, especially after many, many years of substance abuse.
One of the most challenging parts of recovery comes in: rebuilding relationships. It can be hard to once more earn the trust of the people who have been hurt while you were still struggling with addiction. In fact, there may be relationships that can never be saved. This is because not all people are ready to forgive and move one, as there is always the threat and fear of you, as a recovering addict, to relapse. Also, you giving up your substance abuse may not be enough to salvage the relationship.
Having Realistic Expectations
After leaving rehab and you take in a breath of fresh air of the “outside world,” you may feel very happy and positive about what your future holds for you. However, you may be a little disappointed to see that this bright future might still take a lot of work, as your family, loved ones, and friends exude a sense of wariness or even fear around you. There may even be others who are not happy that you’re back at all.
This can be a great source of disappointment, which can cause negative thinking that thereby can pave the way for relapse.
Therefore, it is important for you to have realistic expectations about your recovery and relationships. After all, you can’t reverse years of hurt, despair, resentment, and anger overnight. You have to accept that you have caused other people pain and this will take a lot of time and work on your end to put right.
Rebuilding Relationships
Here are what you can do to rebuild your relationships now that you are in recovery:
- Listening to the other person and giving them a chance to express how they feel
- Apologizing for the hurt you have caused
- Putting effort in showing that you have really changed
- Understanding that forgiveness is earned and just because you have quit your addiction doesn’t mean they are “supposed” to forgive you
- Make amends for your wrongdoings without expecting to be forgiven or to receive anything in return
- Letting go of the past and moving on. You can’t expect them to do it if you are also doing the same
- Having unrealistic expectations about your relationships in recovery
- Being patient about the process of rebuilding relationships
Some Relationships Just Can’t Be Saved
It is a reality that there may just be relationships that can never be fully salvaged. You can’t force them to forgive and forget. All that you can do is to respect their feelings, give them their own time and space, and accept whatever their decisions are.
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